As my phone beeps at six in the morning, I slowly awake not to wanting to wake up. Turning off my alarm, I go to back to sleep for another five minutes. Slowly waking back up, I started getting ready for work. After packing the rest of my lunch I hear a voice.
" Have a good day at work". My mom said.
"OK, thanks". I said.
After I headed out the door I started my car and headed towards work. As I pull into the grounds department at Midland Public School I walk into the break room and hear several voices.
"Hi"!
"Hello"!
"Sup"!. Several workers said.
"Hi"! I responded.
As seven approach I could see my boss coming into the break room to give us all the work where suppose to do for the day. My boss however, likes to go on random rants and usually likes to talk about the Red Wings and started talking about them.
" Did anyone catch the Red Wings game last night"? My boss said."
" No, did they lose"? I asked.
" No, they won damn it!" My boss said in a laughing tone.
"Wow, I'm shock a Michigan team that wins." I said.
" Alex, that's a bunch of bullshit, Joe said in a laughing tone.
As everyone laughed Joe told us what to do for the day and we were all off to work.
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Some very naturalistic dialogue here, Alex -- nicely done! Catching the tone of actual speech is a challenge. The scene really gets going when the banter begins in the office -- here's where it would be nice to see more -- weave in, for example, more "beats" -- small pieces of business that reveal character while driving the scene forward. Also -- look out for shifts in tense! They can be distracting -- especially in the tight back and forth in a scene of dialogue.
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